They say its a permanent solution to a temporary problem…. but what if it isn’t all that temporary?  What if this temporary problem… manifests itself in many aspects of your life…. maybe not all the same thing, but all resulting in the same effect… an unhappy, unbalanced state of pain and suffering? Who’s to say that this permanent solution isn’t the best option?  You can only go so far before your efforts to positive your life become more work than anything else… and who wants to continue to fight an uphill battle?

People say a lot of things, and many of them have some point of reason behind their statements…. but when you grind it down to the bare bones of things…. there’s holes in their logic too…. and when you find those holes, it makes you question just how true the statement is that its a permanent solution to a temporary problem… because the problem isn’t always temporary, or it may be, but its reoccurring .. and realistically, that isn’t all that temporary…. if you think about it.

There’s really no good way to go about it…. sometimes… things just are too difficult… and that difficulty goes on far too long…. and despite all manners to right the wrong…. its an uphill battle…. you may start with 2 steps forward and 1 step back… but after a while… that 1 step back becomes 2 steps and you end up going nowhere, then finally it becomes 3 steps back… and that’s just going backwards.

People say they’ll be there for you… they’re there to listen and to hear you out… to help you…. but what if I don’t want help… what if I just want to be understood… and yet… I can’t even understand myself…. how am I supposed to tell someone how to understand me when I can’t even manage to do it myself….. I wish there was a button… a book of sorts…. something that would allow another… someone close to your heart… who could unlock this special part of you…. that allows them to just read you… what’s on your mind… in your heart…. your feelings and emotions…. just… something that would let someone know why I’m driving myself insane on stupid shit…. even though its really very serious shit to me…. and maybe they can resolve things without my intervention…. because it seems whenever I try to explain myself… try to right the wrongs… things just go bad…. every time … and I’m too much of a paranoid jackass to just let things happen as they come like I should…. like I used to…. like I did before…. before things went all hell bad.

I’ve lost my mind….. again. :[

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